


Paradise Lost

by nightchaser_sla



Category: Stargate SG-1, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Battle of Five Armies Fix-It, Crossover, Everybody Lives, I'm Bad At Summaries, Jack on a pony, Multi, Sam would make an awesome Dwarf, Sauron is a goa'uld, Slow Build, Teal'c loves Hobbits, UNTIL THEY DON'T
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 13:39:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightchaser_sla/pseuds/nightchaser_sla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Middle-Earth is otherwise know as P3X-899, just another planet on the list to try and find a way to defeat he Goa'uld. When they discover that the DHD is missing some crucial components, and with a damaged Stargate, SG-1 find themselves stuck on a world where none of their technology works. They discover a colony of rather small, angry, and mostly axe wielding people and are informed that according to legend the crystals within the DHD were taken by the Nazgul into Mordor. </p><p>It is seven years since the Battle of the Five Armies, and Bilbo Baggins is just starting to settle back into life in the Shire. That is until Gandalf comes knocking again, this time with a group of strange menfolk from a distant world who need his magic ring to get into Mordor. Who need to defeat the Dark Lord in order to get home. He once again finds himself on an adventure, one that could change the course of history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is un-beta'd and basically something that I thought up while watching The Hobbit movie, my mind went something like 'I bet Jack O'Neill would be hilarious on a pony'. And so this was born.
> 
> There will probably be numerous timeline and geographical errors, though I'll do my best to limit these to a minimum.

  _Year 2991 of the Third Age._

_*  
_

Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain son of Thror former King Under the Mountain, stood upon the bow of the boat looking out across the ocean. Salty spray whipped up by the wind clung to his snow white beard, and the mithril beads holding his white braids in place clinked against each other as he moved his head. He had never thought that he would be leaving Middle Earth in this fashion, certainly never expected that he would live to the ripe old age of 250, and see his sister-son and heir take the throne when age and infirmary made him step down. Instead he had always imagined that he would enter the halls of his ancestors upon the battlefield.

 

Somewhere behind him he could hear the sound of Lord Elrond and Gandalf whispering to each other as they had been doing the entire voyage so far, it seemed that even though they were traveling to the Undying Lands they were still concerned with Middle Earth. Thorin was no longer concerned about the land he was leaving behind, and instead was focused entirely on those which they were headed towards. He had nothing left for him in Middle Earth, one sister-son with a wife and son of his own sat upon the throne of Erebor and was already a much loved leader. The other was now consort to the King of Elves. Thorin did not grieve as he knew that they would meet again in Valinor one day.

 

“The menfolk are asleep.” Thandriul's cold voice interrupted his musing, and he turned to look at the once King of Mirkwood.

 

He was still tall and lithe with silver hair and pale skin, however he seemed nothing more than a shadow of the elf he had been 50 years previously when Thorin had reclaimed his kingdom. Galadriel had warned him that Thandriul was fading, as elves were wont to do when they had lived to long and loved to harshly, and that Elrond was taking him to Valinor to save him.

 

“That is good,” answered Thorin, smiling fondly when the elf placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

Their previous feud had been long forgotten, probably around the time that Legolas had informed them that he planned to take Killi as his consort. They were now kin, and Thorin was pleased that Elrond cared enough to save his life.

 

Looking over his shoulder, he looked at the two figures all but curled around each other on the makeshift bed of furs that Dis had made for them. He inclined his head at the imposing figure that his little sister cut where she was sat beside Lady Galadriel. She smiled back at him before he turned his attention back to the menfolk. They were both so aged and vulnerable as men tended to become in their advanced years, their hair thin and white, their faces gaunt. As saviors of Middle-Earth and friends to both Elves and Dwarfs they had been awarded this prize, to travel to the undying lands. To gain the years they had lost and live forever more amongst them. Thorin could only hope that they found what they were searching for in Valinor … as did he.


	2. Thorintumhu'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SG-1 finds themselves in a dire situation, and Daniel manages to offend the Dwarfs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean to post another chapter quite so soon but this seems to be a story that wants to be told.
> 
> Still unbeta'd so I apologize for any mistakes.

_Year 2958 of the Third Age._

_February 10 th 2000._

 

“Well at least it’s not trees.” Jack O’Neill perched his sunglasses on his nose and used his index finger to push them into place.

Beside him Major Sam Carter gave a snort, and he glanced over to see that she was holding her now useless tablet limply in her hand and staring out at the scenery. He had to admit that it was a sight to behold, enormous snow-capped mountain as far as the eye could see, and above them crystal clear skies of the deepest blue. The air was thin, but not overly so and he knew that his team would easily be able to trek to the south where there was the tell-tale signs of civilization. Mostly smoke raising up into the air, several pillars of it which showed that there must be individual dwellings in that direction.

“Whoever they are they probably speak a dialect very similar to ancient Norse,” spoke up Daniel Jackson, from where he had been scribbling in the tiny notebook he took everywhere with him.

“And how do you know that?” demanded Jack, quickly grabbing hold of the back of Teal’c’s tack vest as the huge men inched towards the edge of the cliff they were standing on. “Easy there big fella.”

Ignoring the glare the Jaffa threw in his direction, and seriously when did Teal’c start conveying emotion like that? Jack seriously thought that he was going to have to limit his interactions with Sam, he turned his attention back to their linguist.

“Because of the runes,” answered Daniel, pointing at what looked like chicken scratches covering the entrance to the cave within which sat the Stargate.

“They’re runes?” he muttered, walking back to the giant stone cliff face and running his fingers over the angular carvings. “Like our little buddy Thor?”

Daniel nodded. “Basically yes.”

“Ha …” Jack turned away from the runes and back to his second in command. “Lead the way Major.”

She straightened her posture, chin in the air, and gave him a quick nod. The perfect soldier in every way, a woman her daddy could be proud of if Jacob could in fact feel pride for his daughter. He found himself scowling at those morose thoughts and after gesturing for Teal’c to go ahead of him, he really needed to keep an eye on that one, he followed her down the mountain and towards the settlement.

**

Jack had seen many things in his time as part of the SGC, but the image which greeted him when they finally reached the location of the smoke was something he would never forget. Enormous gates carved of wood and iron completely enclosed the entrance to what was undoubtedly a huge and extensive cave system. Above it two towers had been carved out of the very rock, and even Jack found it difficult not to be intimidated by a people with that kind of workmanship and ability.

“Who goes there?” The man which had appeared on the upper battlement of the left tower was short, maybe five foot at the most, stout, and with a flaming red beard which hung down to his mid-chest. All in all he was a fearsome looking creature, especially as he was waving a large battle axe in their direction.

“We came through the Stargate.” Jack yelled up to him.

“The what now?” hollered the man.

Jack couldn’t help the groan which escaped him at that, he was frankly sick of having to explain himself to every idiot in the galaxy.

“The Chappa’ai.” Teal’c said stepping forward, and Jack was secretly pleased to see the little man’s eyes widen in shock when he took in Teal’c’s dimensions.

“Never ‘eard of it.”

“Help,” hissed Jack out of the corner of his mouth.

Daniel quickly stepped forwards and gave a shallow bow. “We come to you from the stjarna hringr.”

“What did you say to me?” The man seemed scandalized, pressing his free hand against the thick steel armour covering his chest.

With a wild look of desperation in her eyes, Carter pushed Daniel out of the way.

“It’s a big stone circle.” She drew a large circle in the air with her finger for emphasis. “With strange symbols on it, in a cave some two hours walk north of here.”

At that the man nodded. “Aye I’ve heard of it, the legends say that’s where the Maiar came through from.”

Whatever these Maiar were Jack could only hope that they weren’t Goa’uld, then again from what he had seen of this planets inhabitants they could more than take care of themselves.

“We have no way of getting home,” said Daniel, clearly not wanting to be outdone by Carter as he jostled her out of the way. “It has been damaged.”

Damaged was an understatement, with half of the components of the DHD missing and no way to charge the damn ‘gate rescue without the aid of the Asgard was looking less and less likely.

“Wait ‘ere.” With that he turned and walked back into the tower.

“Do you think its likely that they have the crystals,” whispered Sam, one hand resting on the butt of her gun even though the damn things had proven to be useless he moment they stepped out of the event horizon.

He shrugged his shoulders. “We can hope.”

“Indeed,” said Teal’c, raising an eyebrow as the gates began to open.

A different man, this one dressed in far more elaborate armour and with his long hair and beard in several braid held in place by multi-colored beads, walked quickly out of the gates.

“Greetings,” he said, quickly shaking all of their hands. “I am Urdin son of Urdo, and chief historian here in Thorintumhu’.”

“Halls of Thorin?” asked Daniel, his brows pulled close in concentration.

Urdin smiled at that. “Very close man of the wild, it means Thorin’s Hall.” He gestured back to where several larger and broader men had gathered in the entrance to the cave, each of them clutching a sword or axe tightly and looking menacing. “Now come I will take you to her Royal Highness.”

With that he turned and made his way back into Thorintumhu’. Nodding quickly at the rest of his team Jack followed him, he didn’t like the idea of going into somewhere that looked damn near impossible to get out of, but honestly hey had no other choice. It was only as the gates closed behind them with an ominous crack, that he realized just how dire his situation could get.


	3. Amukhakkar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7 years after leaving Erebor, Bilbo is living in the Shire as a bachelor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the wonderful response, I honestly didn't think anyone would be interested in such an obscure crossover.

Spring had come to the Shire. The days were getting longer and the nights were getting warmer. Bilbo Baggins had already spring cleaned and opened the windows of his smial so as to air it out after the long winter. As was his usual routine, he sat outside on the bench in his garden just before elevenses sipping a cup of tea and smoking his pipe.

It had been seven years since he had left on his adventure, six since he had returned to Bag End and life, it seemed, continued on as it always had. Part of Bilbo had been incredibly relieved when he had ridden into Hobbiton with his pony laden with coins and jewels, what was left of his cut of the profits of Erebor after Bard had taken what was needed to rebuild Dale, to find that everything was exactly as he’d found it. And then there was the feeling of disappointment, the hope that as he’d changed that maybe that had somehow rubbed off onto the Shire itself.

“Mornin’ Mister Baggins.” He opened his eyes to see Hamfast Gamgee standing at his garden gate, wide-brimmed hat low over his face and a smile on his lips.

“Good morning Hamfast,” he answered, lowering his pipe and returning his gardeners smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Just wishin’ you a happy birthday is all.”

Of course. Bilbo had known that he had forgotten something today, the same way he felt when he got caught up in his books and accidently left the kettle on the stove. His birthday, he would be 58 today, quickly encroaching on middle age with nothing to show for it other than a few trinkets, a story, and an empty bed. He felt his heart stutter in his chest and his stomach clench, the very little he had experienced of love and romance on the road had been short lived, and once he had returned to Hobbiton all the lasses had been scared away by his grumpy demeanour and ruined of reputation. Before he had left for the Lonely Mountain he had resigned himself to the life of a bachelor, but now it seemed nothing more than a life of loneliness.

“Thank you,” he said, he was a Baggins after all and politeness was in his very blood.

“And its your boys birthday to ain’t it?”

Bilbo’s head shot up at that, his eyes widening in shock.

“What?” He shook his head. “How did you know?”

Hamfast gave him another smiled and then opened the gate, he seated himself beside Bilbo on the bench. “You came back from your adventure all round, then shut yourself up in Bag End with that wizard for months on end, and then young Drogo Bagginses wife suddenly has a baby and nobody knew she was pregnant. Wasn’t hard to figure out what had happened.”

Bilbo felt tears fill his eyes, giving young Frodo away had been the most difficult thing he’d ever done, even more difficult than when he had had to walk away from Erebor. It had been the best thing for the boy, if Bilbo had of kept him as his own they would have been run out of the Shire. No it was best for Frodo go and be part of a loving family.

“Oh,” he whispered. “It was for the best.”

Hamfast nodded. “Oh I know and I understand, you couldn’t have him being unwed and all.”

“No,” whispered Bilbo sadly. “No I couldn’t.”

“There’s talk though,” said Hamfast, lighting his pipe and looking sideways at his companion. “That young Frodo isn’t your typical Hobbit. Then again he wouldn’t do would he?”

Bilbo stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well he ain’t all Hobbit is he.” Hamfast didn’t even make it a question, merely a statement of fact. “If I had to guess I’d say he’s a dwarf babe.”

Lowering his eyes, Bilbo stared at his feet.

“Oh well son.” Hamfast clapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll be off then.”

“Yes, yes of course,” whispered Bilbo, watching as Hamfast began walking down the path. “Goodbye.”


End file.
